Posted by: Angela | July 28, 2006

“Then comes a mixed-up day and wham…”

“I don’t know who or what I am.”  Dr. Seuss

There is this great children’s book called My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss.  It talks about emotions and relates them to colors.  The almost last line is the above quote, which I have decided describes my life pretty well most of the time.

Lately I have been in one of my less functional modes.  It isn’t exactly depression (for me anyhow), but the mode a few notches above it.  It usually involves a lot of coffee, a nap everyday, lots of peanut butter sandwiches and TV for Darling Daughter, lots of reading for me and just enough cooking, cleaning, laundry et al to get by.  I think that I have had this mode for most of my life.  It is when I begin to wonder if I have been fooling myself about being a driven and purposeful person.  More and more often when I leave this mode I find that by many definitions I am less driven to do certain things.  But leaving some things behind have made me a more pleasant person to live with, even for myself.  So maybe this mode does have purpose.

However, I do know that this mode isn’t always the best for Darling Daughter (DD).  How do I know this?  If you are feeling non-motivated, instructing your child because much more of a challenge, which leads to a lowering of the standards and then you realize she is being “awful sassy.”  So you know it is time to kick up a few notches.  Of course, through all of this, the Lord High Master (LHM) has maintained his usual consistent stance or we would be in real trouble.

Where upon, we arrive at the next problem with less functional modes and motherhood, the DD has figured this all out.  She now can selectively behave.  I have noticed that she reserves certain statements, gestures and attitudes for those times that daddy is not here.  I was really hoping to make it to five before she figured this out, but no, not even four.  This is even more discouraging as she has already figured her parents out.  Either she is good or we are very predictable.  So today, I realized it was time to finish out the book and “go back to being me.”  This translated into no more swimming after lunch, no story at naptime, a time-out that grew to 15 minutes and many reprimands and reminders. But the good in all of this that a more functional mommy, means more books, games and other positive parent-child interactions. So we move onward.


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