Posted by: Angela | August 15, 2006

Smart?

I used to think that I was smart.  Turns out that that’s not true, a fact only being reinforced by my new found addiction to blogs.  There are some amazingly gifted, intelligent, talented et al people out there who write their thoughts for all to read and most of them are not getting compensated in an great way.  By bringing up compensation for good work/thoughts, I also am demonstrating that I am not really all that altruistic either.

I liked being smart.  It gave me my identity from about fourth grade through my sophomore year of college.  It was then I discovered that one you can not think your way out of everything and two if you are bitchy no amount of brains overcomes that.  But I was still pretty smart and had dreams of being smart again.  I was able to live on that until I found myself working as a Starbucks barista where my fellow baristas asked questions like if you have a college degree why are you working here?  Very good question….

That’s when I knew smart wasn’t getting me very far anymore.  It didn’t happen overnight since I am writing this five years later. (Which just goes to show that I am not smart if it took me that long to learn the lesson.)  When I got pregnant and decided to become a stay at home mom, I  became what I was hoping being smart would save me from, my mother.  Now this isn’t as awful as it sounds, my mother is smart, creative, and a myriad of other things.  I just didn’t want to be her and she says that I am not, but the main thing that defined my mom for me was she was a mom.  I wanted to be a scientist and academic.  I wanted to travel the world and eat out a lot.  But alas, I am not doing any of those things really.  So I have managed to move out of Nebraska and to a few other states, which is a big step for my family.  We do eat out more than my family did and we have things like sushi.  My daughter does know what fungus is and that it is not a plant.  But I am a mom, it occupies most of my time and energy.  So I have new identifier, one it has taken years for me to begin to accept (still a struggle) and dreams that now are not all about me, but about another little person who I think is smart but I am her mommy and I have to think that, right? 

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